So...yea.

Well my fellow blog people, I am going to be going home Sunday. My little sister is coming tomorrow and me and my roommates are throwing her a bridal shower on Saturday. I have the best roommates ever.
I am super excited to seem my sis. I love her a whole lot. Then it is off to NM. I am excited to see my mom and dad. They are so great. I love my family.
Two weeks though, I hope I come back in one piece. I will post when I get a chance, if I get a chance. Until then I hope you all have a wonderful 4th on July.

Book Drop

Yesterday started out with beautiful summer weather. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I am sure if you listened close enough you could here the earth humming the happiest tune. That is what the weather was like when I went into work.

Work was fine no problems whatsoever. I worked double shift there at the library, and didn’t even care. I am sure if you listened close enough you could hear me humming the happiest tune. Life was great. Then, something in the air begun to change and it wasn’t good.

Everyday at 4 o’clock we have to check the book drop here at the library. It’s not bad, it’s just a thing. But about 3 o’clock it started to thunder and lightning, and the wind began to blow. I was shelving books and kept looking out the window, in dread. “Please don’t let it rain until after book drop” I would pray. I didn’t being a jacket or anything because, well, I already told you what the weather was like earlier. I continue to shelve my cart of books, the lights in the library flickered (really, they did). Kind of hoping the power would go out completely so I could go home early was entertaining my thoughts. I turn around to get some more books from my cart and to my surprised there is a person standing right behind me. I gasped in horror. “Are you ready to do book drop?” the mysterious voice asked. I turned around and it was just my co-worker, kind of relived and at the same time disappointed (because if it was someone scarier it would have made a better story). I look at my watch and realized it was 4. I nodded. “Let’s do this book drop before it starts to rain.” Lisa, my co-worker, pointed towards the window “I already to see raindrops on the window.” As I looked I felt the whole earth crashing down on me. It had just barely started to rain and it was still slow. “Well, then, lets hurry before it starts to pour.” The wind blew harder as if it were replying to what I had said.

We got the empty book drops so we could switch them with the full ones outside. I asked Lisa, “Do you think we will need the tarps?” (That is what we put on the books to keep them dry while we are outside) She opens the door to check, and it is already raining harder than what it was two minutes ago. “I think we will need them,” she says. I sigh audibly, “Alright, well lets get this done fast before it gets worse.”

So we both took a deep breath and went out into the elements and up to the book drop. As soon as we go to the book drop, totally disposed, no shelter near by, a cloud burst and rain started to beat down on our bodies. Trying to frantically to switch the empty book cart with the full one, I noticed Lisa was having and difficult time with hers. The book cart was overloaded and books were spilling out. So, while I was helping her pick up the books A guest of wind picked up, with the rain and wind combined it felt like bits of glass was beating against our face. The wind picked up one of the tarps and blew it into the middle of the street. I was laughing so hard because my only other option would be to cry and I didn’t have time for that. I started to chase the tarp and finally caught up to it. While I was running back to help Lisa the full book cart fell and the books spilled out on to the ground. And if you didn’t think it could rain harder, well, let me tell you something, it did. It was like someone was playing a cruel joke on us and just laughing his brains out just watching us running around frantically picking up the books that were lying in the middle of the parking lot and chasing the tarps because they were flying everywhere.

Finally, we picked up the books and ran to take shelter. We got inside was greeted with hysterical laughter, as we stood there at the door catching our breath looking like we've been to hell and back. Co-workers were pointing there fingers laughing at our expense. It was humiliating and I was cold. Soaking up what little pride I had I dragged the cart to the counter and start to unload it. Finally a girl replied through her tears of laughter “If only I had known you were going out, we have extra jackets.” Lisa and I exchanged looks, and both knowing that bit of information would have been nice to know. We spent the rest of the hour drying the books that got wet and discarding the ones that were ruined. Finishing my shelving in my soaked clothes, as children and parents looked at me as if I were some part of a freak show. I soldiered on.

Yes, it is important for me to note that the rain pretty much stopped as soon as we got inside. I am fairly convinced someone up there is out to get me. Story of my life, what else can I say.

It's time for some change!

I look at my life now at who I am and compare to where and who I was two years ago. I have changed a great deal. My eyes have been opened, my self-esteem has gone up. My way of thinking has changed, and my out look on things is different.

I wonder what I would be like now if I hadn’t moved here to Provo. If I hadn’t met the people I’ve met. If I hadn’t experienced the things I have. Would I have found myself in a different way through different people than what I did here? Or would I have just stayed stagnant in my life “happy” but not really knowing how much happier I could be?

Why is it that I had to move to find happiness, and joy when I thought I already had it? Why have I met the people I did? Why do I live with the roommates I live with? Did I have as much of an influence on my friends and acquaintances as they all have had on me?

I guess I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. Something needs to happen so I can feel more joy and happiness. Whether I move to a different place, finish school, make more friends… I don’t know... suddenly I woke up one day and realized life is great, but I need to keep moving forward. There is something out there that I need to do. Something or someone I need to be a part of. I don’t know what that is.

My mom’s health is getting worse. And she has on numerous occasions asked me to move back to be with her. I love my mother and love being around her. Plus with her health declining like it is it makes me want to spend as much time with her as I can. I always tell her “no mom, I am not moving back.” And she always says she understands, but I still feel guilty sometimes.

It’s like; a part of me wants to pick up everything I own pack it into the car and leave. Just so I can go take care of my mom. She needs me, and with my dad working full time and my sister moving out (she’s getting married) I would be able to help her around the house and take her to her doctor appointments, and just spend what precious time I have with my mom. Of course Farmington New Mexico is this dinky little town with no LDS peers to hang out with or good promising opportunity for me. But why should I be so selfish and only think of myself? Plus, my dad says “We have pre-schools and a library there in Farmington, you can get a job here.”

While the other part of me feels that I shouldn’t move back because of those reasons. I really like were I am. I love my jobs and I love my friends (even though they are slipping through my fingers like sand- because they are moving on with there lives) and I love the independence I have here. I love living life on my own. I know it might sound kind of selfish but I really don’t want to move back home. So I don’t think I will.

But then if I think about it. I could go anywhere I want to. I could move some where strange and new and finish school there. I don’t have to stay here. All of my roommates are going to be moving out soon and I’m super tight with them. But after they move, then what, I guess the sky is the limit. I’ve never been to the east coast, maybe I will go there or how about Washington? I guess I will have to decide what school I want to go to and just plan around that. Finish my degree in Early Childhood Ed start my career. Now that would be darn sensible!

I still have a lot to consider and figure out, and I am pretty sure I am not going to be moving tomorrow or anything. But you never know. I have become quite spontaneous and you never know what I might do next. Bumbum-bummmm!

Little Boy Blue

This is one of my favorite pomes. I know it is sad, but honestly, what are your thoughts and feelings?

The little toy dog is covered with dust,
But sturdy and stanch he stands;
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
And his musket moulds in his hands.
Time was when the little toy dog was new,
And the soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
Kissed them and put them there.

"Now, don't you go till I come," he said,
"And don't you make any noise!"
So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,
He dreamt of the pretty toys;
And, as he was dreaming, an angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue---
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place---
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face;
And they wonder, as waiting the long years through
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue,
Since he kissed them and put them there.

--Eugene Field

Inconceivable!

Well my dearest friends, I have read “The Princess Bride” and I loved it. I could not put it down. I would read it while I was walking to work, on my breaks, every chance I got I would read it.

I have always loved the movie, but have had some questions about the characters, details of the fire swamp, etc. Let me tell you my fellow readers, the book answered all of my questions! I even love the book more than the movie. Yes, it’s true.

You have got to read it. If you have read it, let me know what you thought. We could have something in common… unless you hated it. Then, of course we wouldn’t… well, except for the fact that we both read it…yeah, anyway...

Oh, and I am going to start reading “1984” next, heard it was good, so naturally, I bought it.

If any of you have any good recommendations of books you think I should read, let me know about them, and I will try getting my hands on the book.

Less than a month and the new Harry Potter will be out in stores! Can’t wait for that one! It will be great. I know it.

Is it just me, or is it just me?

Today I went on a lunch date with one of my friends. He was going on a double date and asked me out. The date was enjoyable we both had a really great time together. I was very flattered he had thought of me. No, I don’t have a crush on him, and I know he is does not have a crush on me, but it was still nice to go on a date. I am embarrassed to admit this, but, it has been a long time since I have been on a date, and it got me thinking, dating is fun. Even something as simple as lunch date, was wonderful.

Sometimes, I get tired of being just “one of the guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, every single one of them. I think it is great that they can be comfortable around me and not have to worry about impressing me. But, sometimes I just wish a guy would actually be attracted to me for once.

I realize I am not all that good-looking (I’d probably rate myself a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10) but I am not hideous either. I do have a fun personality, you know, out-going, spontaneous at times, open-minded and nice. I’m not high-maintenance, and a guy doesn’t have to impress me with extravagant gifts and meaningless flattery. And I don’t think I come across as stupid (perhaps silly at times, but not stupid). I try to live a good life and keep my priorities in order. So what is it about me that I can change to make a guy look my way? Or instead of change what should I enhance.

I am not by all means desperate. I don't think it would be a good idea to change who I am to get guys to notice me (besides I kind of like who I am). And to be honest I really don’t mind being single, really. You know, it is not that I’m afraid of asking guys out on dates (I've done that many times) it’s just… I wouldn’t mind getting asked to go on a date once in a while... more often. That’s all.