It's time for some change!

I look at my life now at who I am and compare to where and who I was two years ago. I have changed a great deal. My eyes have been opened, my self-esteem has gone up. My way of thinking has changed, and my out look on things is different.

I wonder what I would be like now if I hadn’t moved here to Provo. If I hadn’t met the people I’ve met. If I hadn’t experienced the things I have. Would I have found myself in a different way through different people than what I did here? Or would I have just stayed stagnant in my life “happy” but not really knowing how much happier I could be?

Why is it that I had to move to find happiness, and joy when I thought I already had it? Why have I met the people I did? Why do I live with the roommates I live with? Did I have as much of an influence on my friends and acquaintances as they all have had on me?

I guess I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. Something needs to happen so I can feel more joy and happiness. Whether I move to a different place, finish school, make more friends… I don’t know... suddenly I woke up one day and realized life is great, but I need to keep moving forward. There is something out there that I need to do. Something or someone I need to be a part of. I don’t know what that is.

My mom’s health is getting worse. And she has on numerous occasions asked me to move back to be with her. I love my mother and love being around her. Plus with her health declining like it is it makes me want to spend as much time with her as I can. I always tell her “no mom, I am not moving back.” And she always says she understands, but I still feel guilty sometimes.

It’s like; a part of me wants to pick up everything I own pack it into the car and leave. Just so I can go take care of my mom. She needs me, and with my dad working full time and my sister moving out (she’s getting married) I would be able to help her around the house and take her to her doctor appointments, and just spend what precious time I have with my mom. Of course Farmington New Mexico is this dinky little town with no LDS peers to hang out with or good promising opportunity for me. But why should I be so selfish and only think of myself? Plus, my dad says “We have pre-schools and a library there in Farmington, you can get a job here.”

While the other part of me feels that I shouldn’t move back because of those reasons. I really like were I am. I love my jobs and I love my friends (even though they are slipping through my fingers like sand- because they are moving on with there lives) and I love the independence I have here. I love living life on my own. I know it might sound kind of selfish but I really don’t want to move back home. So I don’t think I will.

But then if I think about it. I could go anywhere I want to. I could move some where strange and new and finish school there. I don’t have to stay here. All of my roommates are going to be moving out soon and I’m super tight with them. But after they move, then what, I guess the sky is the limit. I’ve never been to the east coast, maybe I will go there or how about Washington? I guess I will have to decide what school I want to go to and just plan around that. Finish my degree in Early Childhood Ed start my career. Now that would be darn sensible!

I still have a lot to consider and figure out, and I am pretty sure I am not going to be moving tomorrow or anything. But you never know. I have become quite spontaneous and you never know what I might do next. Bumbum-bummmm!