Time

Here is a poem I wrote when I was in High School for a poetry assignment. It's kind of sad to admit that this is one of my best. Oh well, it's not like I am going to become a professional poet or anything.

TIME

Anytime you look about
Time is running out
People rushing to and fro
Time is fast and time is slow
Do your Homework! Do you Chores!
Time is running out your doors!
Hurry! Hurry! Faster! Faster!
Time can almost be your master
STOP!
I must go slow
I do not always have to go.
I sit, I rest, I spectulate,
Oh my goodness I'll be late
Rushing, rushing like a fool!
Learn to organize your time,
Rushing, rushing is a CRIME!

-Wiggle

I'll Let You Slide This Time

Dear Jokey Smurf,

Now, now Jokey Smurf, you know very well that it isn’t polite to hack onto someone else’s blog and rise amuck. I had a talk with Papa Smurf and he says you have gotten out of control lately with your pranks. He quite frankly put in so many words, “Jokey is being a royal pain the smurf, and I am sick of him and his pranks!” I realize that Papa Smurf must be under a lot of stress with all of the complaints and that are coming from the others Smurfs about your concoctions of gift-wrapped boxes that explode in their faces.

Just the other day you sent a package to Smurfett with a note saying: “To Smurfett. From your Smurfiest Secret Admirer.” Smurfett was flattered to have gotten such a present that when she opened it instead of getting a lovely gift she received an exploding one. Heartbroken, distraught and after having it up to here with the endless stream of jokes you do, she complained once again to Papa Smurf.

All of the Smurfs are in uproar about your wild behavior and demands that Papa Smurf needs do something about this soon. Probably the only smurf that doesn't care is Slouchy Smurf and he's not even sticking up for you. Unfortunately, I had no idea you were this out of control so when I saw Papa Smurf’s livid reaction, I was shocked. He threatened to send you straight to Gargamel. Brainy thought Papa Smurf's idea was a wonderful one and was coming up with a list of ideas to get you into the arms of Gargamel.

After talking with Papa Smurf and helping him realize that giving you to Gargamel was a little too harsh of punishment (because let’s face it you keep the other Smurf’s on their toes). He decided that a warning this time will be suitable. But the next time you get out of control he won’t be so generous. So if I were you I would lie low for a bit, until everyone has time to cool down. So ye are warned. Don’t mess with me or you’ll get it.

Sincerely,

Wiggle

Smurf is SOOO COOOL

I just want to say that Smurf is the coolest person in the world and he is so good at Scrabble and anyone who is so lucky and that's such a great treat for them. And also that he is handsome and a good dresser and a clever boy and a terrific writer and everybody wants to be around him. Oh, that I were half as awesome as Smurf. I think he deserves a candy bar from everybody who reads this.

Hehe and I also want to say that Wiggle should not leave her blog page open when Jokey Smurf is around. Hyuck hyuck!

Sounds Familiar

I found this poem in a book I was shelving today at the library. When I read it I laughed because this is exactly something that would happen to me.

A Million Miles from Tallahassee

I was so sure

I knew the capital of Florida

I almost threw my elbow out of joint

waving my hand

in front of Mr. Miller’s face.

When he called on me

I jumped up and said,

“Tassalooma!”

I thought they’d never stop laughing.

Jerome practically

fell out of his seat.

Even Mr. Miller lost it.

Now everybody’s always aking me,

“How are things in Tassalooma?”

And Maria the comedian said,

“Let’s rent a room

in Tassalooma.”

And if I could go to Tassalooma-

which is nowhere

on anybody’s map-

I’d never

come

back!

-Alice Schertle

Well, even though this exact thing didn't happened to me, I've had similar experinces.

Life is funny that way.

We come down to life and are born to parents who may or may not know what they are doing. For some of them they have no idea what it is like to raise a child. It’s a lot of responsibility and work.

As infants we learn how to eat, how to walk and say a word or two. Not knowing what is going on in our world. There we were crying when mommy or daddy can’t be seen (even if they are just in the other room); always falling on our face because our chubby little legs and our diaper makes it awkward to move. Then there were our attempts of moving our mouth and having noise come out but never making any sense. We were so happy and proud of ourselves.

Then it is on to our toddler years. Were we seized every adventure that is laid before us. Fearless, we were as toddlers. Climbing any bookshelf or cupboard we could get away with. Learning what the word “no!” meant. Spilling and dropping anything we could get our little hands on. We would think of amusing little games: drop mom’s key, watch her pick them up, and then drop them just when she sat back down; then laughing at mom getting increasingly irritated until she wouldn’t give us back the keys. What little imps we were. We were Potty training and afraid of the dark, learning to say “no” to our moms or dads. Then we would constantly throw temper tantrums and sometimes getting what we wanted and sometimes getting ignored. By then life was getting more complicated.

Kindergarten age is when our personality was mostly developed. We loved to run, skip, and gallop. Climb trees, and talk in sentences. Some of us having lisp some us not know what it meant to talk quietly. We were becoming a little more independent, helping mom sweep the floor with a little broom she bought for us. Making friends, and sometimes no one else could see them but that didn’t matter because they were your friend and no one else could steal them from you. Mostly, our biggest stress was when mom tried to put us into bed. And we would run though out the house screaming while she is chasing us with our pajamas in hand (kind of like a Calvin and Hobbes comic). Parents instill good manners in to us. School was just a place were we went and played all day without mom and dad watching us. Play with play dough, blocks, had story time, learned out ABC’s and 123’s. Circle time and time out. When we would fall or smashed our finger in the door, we just knew Band-Aids were for every boo-boo, because they healed everything. Dressing ourselves and not caring if we matched or if our clothes were inside out. What mattered most is we did it all by ourselves.

By the time we were in grade school were we forgot about our imaginary friends (mostly), and started having more real friends. We start questioning if Santa was real or not, and knowing the tooth fairy was in fact real because she left some money under your pillow the night before. Happy that the song “All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth” actually applied to you. Starting to read chapter books and participating in Summer Reading at the local city library. Having homework and sometimes liking it but sometime hating it because it meant you might have to miss your favorite TV show. We had report cards, and receiving and an “E” for excellent, “S” for satisfactory, or an “N” for needs to improve, and “U” for unsatisfactory. Monkey bars and parks were our delight. Ice cream and candy were all we wanted to live on but mom and dad wouldn’t let us. Swimming lessons, tee-ball, soccer, and extra fun summer activities we got to look forward to. More responsibility we had when we were baptized and excited about it. Still whinny, but we knew when to stop when mom gave “the look”. Barbie and GI-Joe were our favorite toys.

In middle school most of us put away those silly toys and started playing video games and reading magazines. We hated school and especially homework. Some of us had lockers and that was cool. Friends you had in grade school were no longer your friend, because things…well, they changed. Some of us were popular, and others were over looked. Everyone trying to find out who they were and how they wanted express that. Our major stress mostly was whether or not we were accepted. Sometimes to fit in we would start to rebel against our parents. That is probably about the time we found out that being grounded wasn’t fun. Some of us were on the honor role and others were in detention.

High school is where we started to get our first jobs, date, drive, and became more and more independent. Our parents didn’t understand what it was like to be in high school at that time. Pressure on looking forward to our future was put on us. Students were taking A.P. classes and seminary. Skipping classes, drama was running ramped through the halls, and crushes here and there. People would go around having boyfriends and girlfriends; breakup and makeup and then breakup again. Fashion was starting to become more important to some and other could’ve cared less. Still trying to fit in was important to some and others were comfortable being themselves. Making friendship and knowing they would last, then when graduating realizing life wouldn’t allow it. Say good-bye to those who were with you though all of your hard times, and growing up together. There were parents who still loved you no matter how rebellious you might have been. Teachers who helped you realize you could do the assignments if you just applied yourself.

After high school you had to let go of some of your friendships, moved out and live on your own. Some went to college and some didn’t. Some served missions and others got married and already have two kids and one on the way. Pressure of what you are going to do with the rest of your life come from all angles. Church Callings, work, bills, school, social life or lack there of. All of it seems overwhelming. We are expected to take what we learned from our parents, leaders, mentors, teachers and friends and apply it to our life. Everyone has a purpose and were are suppose to know what that is and do it. And yet at the same time remain balanced and in control of things. While we are doing this we are also expected to lift and help those along the way. Help build the Kingdom of God and stand tall in the eyes of the Lord. How can we do this?

Well, I don’t know all the answers and I don’t know if you were taught this while you were growing up or not, and really that doesn’t matter because I am telling you now. If you love the Lord with all of your heart, mind and soul you will find it easy to follow His commandments. You won’t have to question his motives for giving a certain commandment you would just be able to trust in Him. And if you are doing His will you’ll find that you are already serving others and helping the people around you in ways you might not being aware of at this time.

All I can say is that everything we went through in our lives, whether is was good or bad experiences there was something that you were supposed have to learned that might help you now or in your life in the future. If we are all striving to do what is right, all the other things that we have yet to endure and learn won’t be as bad. Yes, we will still have to be tested and pulled out of our comfort zone but that is just so we can be there for others; and so we as individuals can be proud of whom we are becoming. We are not alone and that in it’s self is a comforting thing. Remember everything has its purpose and in time we will see and understand what that purpose is.

I guess that’s all I really have to say. These are just my thoughts. Until next time, keep your chin up.

Wiggle

What Was I Thinking?!

Why is it that when things seem to be going great for me I have to go mess them up? Why do I analyze things that shouldn’t or doesn’t need analyzing to begin with? I am always reading into things. Even when I make an effort to not do this I catch myself doing it anyway. I hate this curse! I never seem to get piece of mind about things. How can I stop? I feel I am going crazy. Oh well.

So...yea.

Well my fellow blog people, I am going to be going home Sunday. My little sister is coming tomorrow and me and my roommates are throwing her a bridal shower on Saturday. I have the best roommates ever.
I am super excited to seem my sis. I love her a whole lot. Then it is off to NM. I am excited to see my mom and dad. They are so great. I love my family.
Two weeks though, I hope I come back in one piece. I will post when I get a chance, if I get a chance. Until then I hope you all have a wonderful 4th on July.

Book Drop

Yesterday started out with beautiful summer weather. The sun was out, the birds were chirping, and I am sure if you listened close enough you could here the earth humming the happiest tune. That is what the weather was like when I went into work.

Work was fine no problems whatsoever. I worked double shift there at the library, and didn’t even care. I am sure if you listened close enough you could hear me humming the happiest tune. Life was great. Then, something in the air begun to change and it wasn’t good.

Everyday at 4 o’clock we have to check the book drop here at the library. It’s not bad, it’s just a thing. But about 3 o’clock it started to thunder and lightning, and the wind began to blow. I was shelving books and kept looking out the window, in dread. “Please don’t let it rain until after book drop” I would pray. I didn’t being a jacket or anything because, well, I already told you what the weather was like earlier. I continue to shelve my cart of books, the lights in the library flickered (really, they did). Kind of hoping the power would go out completely so I could go home early was entertaining my thoughts. I turn around to get some more books from my cart and to my surprised there is a person standing right behind me. I gasped in horror. “Are you ready to do book drop?” the mysterious voice asked. I turned around and it was just my co-worker, kind of relived and at the same time disappointed (because if it was someone scarier it would have made a better story). I look at my watch and realized it was 4. I nodded. “Let’s do this book drop before it starts to rain.” Lisa, my co-worker, pointed towards the window “I already to see raindrops on the window.” As I looked I felt the whole earth crashing down on me. It had just barely started to rain and it was still slow. “Well, then, lets hurry before it starts to pour.” The wind blew harder as if it were replying to what I had said.

We got the empty book drops so we could switch them with the full ones outside. I asked Lisa, “Do you think we will need the tarps?” (That is what we put on the books to keep them dry while we are outside) She opens the door to check, and it is already raining harder than what it was two minutes ago. “I think we will need them,” she says. I sigh audibly, “Alright, well lets get this done fast before it gets worse.”

So we both took a deep breath and went out into the elements and up to the book drop. As soon as we go to the book drop, totally disposed, no shelter near by, a cloud burst and rain started to beat down on our bodies. Trying to frantically to switch the empty book cart with the full one, I noticed Lisa was having and difficult time with hers. The book cart was overloaded and books were spilling out. So, while I was helping her pick up the books A guest of wind picked up, with the rain and wind combined it felt like bits of glass was beating against our face. The wind picked up one of the tarps and blew it into the middle of the street. I was laughing so hard because my only other option would be to cry and I didn’t have time for that. I started to chase the tarp and finally caught up to it. While I was running back to help Lisa the full book cart fell and the books spilled out on to the ground. And if you didn’t think it could rain harder, well, let me tell you something, it did. It was like someone was playing a cruel joke on us and just laughing his brains out just watching us running around frantically picking up the books that were lying in the middle of the parking lot and chasing the tarps because they were flying everywhere.

Finally, we picked up the books and ran to take shelter. We got inside was greeted with hysterical laughter, as we stood there at the door catching our breath looking like we've been to hell and back. Co-workers were pointing there fingers laughing at our expense. It was humiliating and I was cold. Soaking up what little pride I had I dragged the cart to the counter and start to unload it. Finally a girl replied through her tears of laughter “If only I had known you were going out, we have extra jackets.” Lisa and I exchanged looks, and both knowing that bit of information would have been nice to know. We spent the rest of the hour drying the books that got wet and discarding the ones that were ruined. Finishing my shelving in my soaked clothes, as children and parents looked at me as if I were some part of a freak show. I soldiered on.

Yes, it is important for me to note that the rain pretty much stopped as soon as we got inside. I am fairly convinced someone up there is out to get me. Story of my life, what else can I say.

It's time for some change!

I look at my life now at who I am and compare to where and who I was two years ago. I have changed a great deal. My eyes have been opened, my self-esteem has gone up. My way of thinking has changed, and my out look on things is different.

I wonder what I would be like now if I hadn’t moved here to Provo. If I hadn’t met the people I’ve met. If I hadn’t experienced the things I have. Would I have found myself in a different way through different people than what I did here? Or would I have just stayed stagnant in my life “happy” but not really knowing how much happier I could be?

Why is it that I had to move to find happiness, and joy when I thought I already had it? Why have I met the people I did? Why do I live with the roommates I live with? Did I have as much of an influence on my friends and acquaintances as they all have had on me?

I guess I feel I am at a crossroad in my life. Something needs to happen so I can feel more joy and happiness. Whether I move to a different place, finish school, make more friends… I don’t know... suddenly I woke up one day and realized life is great, but I need to keep moving forward. There is something out there that I need to do. Something or someone I need to be a part of. I don’t know what that is.

My mom’s health is getting worse. And she has on numerous occasions asked me to move back to be with her. I love my mother and love being around her. Plus with her health declining like it is it makes me want to spend as much time with her as I can. I always tell her “no mom, I am not moving back.” And she always says she understands, but I still feel guilty sometimes.

It’s like; a part of me wants to pick up everything I own pack it into the car and leave. Just so I can go take care of my mom. She needs me, and with my dad working full time and my sister moving out (she’s getting married) I would be able to help her around the house and take her to her doctor appointments, and just spend what precious time I have with my mom. Of course Farmington New Mexico is this dinky little town with no LDS peers to hang out with or good promising opportunity for me. But why should I be so selfish and only think of myself? Plus, my dad says “We have pre-schools and a library there in Farmington, you can get a job here.”

While the other part of me feels that I shouldn’t move back because of those reasons. I really like were I am. I love my jobs and I love my friends (even though they are slipping through my fingers like sand- because they are moving on with there lives) and I love the independence I have here. I love living life on my own. I know it might sound kind of selfish but I really don’t want to move back home. So I don’t think I will.

But then if I think about it. I could go anywhere I want to. I could move some where strange and new and finish school there. I don’t have to stay here. All of my roommates are going to be moving out soon and I’m super tight with them. But after they move, then what, I guess the sky is the limit. I’ve never been to the east coast, maybe I will go there or how about Washington? I guess I will have to decide what school I want to go to and just plan around that. Finish my degree in Early Childhood Ed start my career. Now that would be darn sensible!

I still have a lot to consider and figure out, and I am pretty sure I am not going to be moving tomorrow or anything. But you never know. I have become quite spontaneous and you never know what I might do next. Bumbum-bummmm!

Little Boy Blue

This is one of my favorite pomes. I know it is sad, but honestly, what are your thoughts and feelings?

The little toy dog is covered with dust,
But sturdy and stanch he stands;
And the little toy soldier is red with rust,
And his musket moulds in his hands.
Time was when the little toy dog was new,
And the soldier was passing fair;
And that was the time when our Little Boy Blue
Kissed them and put them there.

"Now, don't you go till I come," he said,
"And don't you make any noise!"
So, toddling off to his trundle-bed,
He dreamt of the pretty toys;
And, as he was dreaming, an angel song
Awakened our Little Boy Blue---
Oh! the years are many, the years are long,
But the little toy friends are true!

Ay, faithful to Little Boy Blue they stand,
Each in the same old place---
Awaiting the touch of a little hand,
The smile of a little face;
And they wonder, as waiting the long years through
In the dust of that little chair,
What has become of our Little Boy Blue,
Since he kissed them and put them there.

--Eugene Field

Inconceivable!

Well my dearest friends, I have read “The Princess Bride” and I loved it. I could not put it down. I would read it while I was walking to work, on my breaks, every chance I got I would read it.

I have always loved the movie, but have had some questions about the characters, details of the fire swamp, etc. Let me tell you my fellow readers, the book answered all of my questions! I even love the book more than the movie. Yes, it’s true.

You have got to read it. If you have read it, let me know what you thought. We could have something in common… unless you hated it. Then, of course we wouldn’t… well, except for the fact that we both read it…yeah, anyway...

Oh, and I am going to start reading “1984” next, heard it was good, so naturally, I bought it.

If any of you have any good recommendations of books you think I should read, let me know about them, and I will try getting my hands on the book.

Less than a month and the new Harry Potter will be out in stores! Can’t wait for that one! It will be great. I know it.

Is it just me, or is it just me?

Today I went on a lunch date with one of my friends. He was going on a double date and asked me out. The date was enjoyable we both had a really great time together. I was very flattered he had thought of me. No, I don’t have a crush on him, and I know he is does not have a crush on me, but it was still nice to go on a date. I am embarrassed to admit this, but, it has been a long time since I have been on a date, and it got me thinking, dating is fun. Even something as simple as lunch date, was wonderful.

Sometimes, I get tired of being just “one of the guys”. Don’t get me wrong, I love my friends, every single one of them. I think it is great that they can be comfortable around me and not have to worry about impressing me. But, sometimes I just wish a guy would actually be attracted to me for once.

I realize I am not all that good-looking (I’d probably rate myself a 4 or 5 on a scale of 1-10) but I am not hideous either. I do have a fun personality, you know, out-going, spontaneous at times, open-minded and nice. I’m not high-maintenance, and a guy doesn’t have to impress me with extravagant gifts and meaningless flattery. And I don’t think I come across as stupid (perhaps silly at times, but not stupid). I try to live a good life and keep my priorities in order. So what is it about me that I can change to make a guy look my way? Or instead of change what should I enhance.

I am not by all means desperate. I don't think it would be a good idea to change who I am to get guys to notice me (besides I kind of like who I am). And to be honest I really don’t mind being single, really. You know, it is not that I’m afraid of asking guys out on dates (I've done that many times) it’s just… I wouldn’t mind getting asked to go on a date once in a while... more often. That’s all.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Well, after counting down for the last two months, school is finally over. No more kids yelling, crying, whining, tattling, hitting, kicking, punching, biting. No more runny noses, pulling hair, lying, stealing. No more, “Teacher, he hit me!” or “I need to go potty teacher!” Or “She’s not sharing!” And definitely no more “I want my mommy!”

I woke up this morning not as excited as I had anticipated. I was kind of sad. Here I have spent about 8 or 9 months with these kids, 6 ½ hours a day four day a week being there when their parents can’t. I shared their hardships with them and I would empathize with them. When they fell they would come to me, when their feelings were hurt I was there to cheer them up, I played with them, I would enter into their imaginary world with them and we’d get lost just goofing off and being kids, I was their friend when they thought they had none. I helped them learn manners, ABCs, 123s, how to write their name. I helped teach them how to jump, skip, tiptoe, gallop, and balance (I know, Wiggle, teach kids how to balance?). I taught them how to treat there friends with respect, how to accept others, and how to become independent, I taught them how to laugh at themselves when they were sad, and that, it is okay to make mistakes, and most important, love who they are.

As I sat there watching the children sing to their parents today, I was so proud of them. They have come such a long way. I tried my hardest to swallow the lump that sat in my throat. Sitting outside on a bench watching the children laugh and play with the friends they made this year. Sarah ran up to me and threw her arms around me and gave me the biggest hug. This is a daily occurrence she always gives me hugs like that. But today was different the hug she gave me was extra long and tight, realizing that this would be the last day she might see me, (unless I see her in the grocery store or something). She then smiled and ran off to play; I sat there and cried, trying not to make a big scene, because kids don’t like to see their teacher cry.

Parents were there with their kids and were taking pictures of me with their child. I love every single child in my class and am going to miss them. The sad part is that in few months I won’t be in their minds anymore. In a couple of years they won’t even remember me. I will move on and have more kids to teach, and eventually, this whole year will be forgotten.

On the way home I spent time with each child laughing and playing and joking around with them, and hugged each one.

They reminded me that I was ready to let them go as some tattled, hit, and argue on the way home.

So, in a way it’s kind of a bitter sweet experience.

It was an awesome year and I hope I won't forget some of the things the kids taught me. But, I am glad I don’t have to wake up in the morning at 6am. It will be nice to sleep in.

End Your Day With a Splash

Today I went for a walk in the rain. I invited my roommate to come along with me but she wasn’t too thrilled about getting wet and cold. Although I would have liked the company, I decided to go by myself.

It was wonderful walking in rain. I splashed in every puddle. The puddles were perfect for splashing; the water came up to my ankles. The cold water tickled my feet with numbness. I went for a walk around the neighborhood; a few people gave me some weird looks. I am pretty sure they were just jealous that I was out having fun and they weren’t. I talked to a few people who were out taking sensible walks with their umbrellas. There was a group of people eating dinner and watching the rain on their porch. I talked to them too. By then I was soaked. When I started getting the chills I decided to start walking back toward the house.

It was on the way back when I noticed the worms in puddles. My usual feelings of hatred and disgust were starting to stir in me. I mean think about it, pretty soon they would be cooked to a crisp, and I would have to look at there dead little bodies. SICK!

I stopped for a little while and watched the worm stretch itself as long as he could and just float peacefully, enjoying himself. And I believe it was then when I realized, that worms really aren’t that bad, (I can’t believe I am saying this) they just get so caught up in the excitement and pleasure of being out in the rain that by the time the sun comes up to burn them to a brittle little corpse, they have end their life in happiness(assuming they enjoy sizzling in the sun) .

So it should be with us: no matted how hard we have to work in the dirt and grime of the world there will always be a good rainstorm to make us clean, we just need to take the time to appreciate it. When the sun comes up we are ready for whatever comes next. Whether we make it back to the grass or not, it doesn’t matter because we worked hard, and enjoyed life when we could.

I came home drenched from the refreshing rain, made grilled cheese and tomato soup, took a hot shower and read a book. It was a perfect day.

And I think the next time I see a dead fried worm on the sidewalk, I don’t think I will have those strong negative feelings I normally have (I might be grossed out a little), but, I think some of those feeling will be replaced with more positive feeling.

I am actually greatful to be reminded that I should always look for the deeper side of things no matter how silly it sounds.

Creepy Library Patron

Today was just like any other day... actually it wasn't. My kids were driving me up the wall and I was glad to be able to go to work at the library, where I could wind down.
Work at the library is always really nice after working with kids all day. When I am working at the library all I have to do is put books in order, it's quite and I don't have to deal with patrons (I just direct them to the reference librarians). Well, being extra grateful that I didn't have to deal with people today, I just wasn't in the mood, I went on my way to work.
Now, I must say, that I am getting pretty good at putting books in order and shelving them. We have to keep record of how many books we shelve and how long it takes us and I'm proud to brag that I am doing better than I would have expected myself to do and still improving. So, I just expected for work to go by fast and steady and then to be off by 7, to do whatever the heck I wanted to do. This is how I wanted the rest of my day to go and what I had looked forward to. Little did I know what was a typical bad day would quickly become the weirdest most awkward day I have ever experienced in a long time.

So there I was in the video section minding my own business shelving my cart of videos, when I came to an aisle with a patron in it. Admittedly I was annoyed that I would have to work around him, but I pressed on. Finally it came to point where he was right in front of the shelf I needed to file some videos. I kind of stood there next to him hoping he would get the hint, and when he didn’t I decided to go to the cart and skip that aisle until he was gone. I tuned around and there was that man standing right there in a sort of creepy and awkward way. He was about 5’9” stout-looking with facial hair (it was longer than a five 0'clock shadow but not quite a beard) I would guess he was in his mid thirties. He then asked me, “Can I ask you a question discreetly?” Taken back by such a strange question I hesitantly said, “I guess.” He took me down an aisle where there was no one around to over hear him. He looked me in the eye, with sweat on his brow, in a low voice he said, “I am looking for a video that will show me how to… you know, be intimate with your wife. Can you help me?”

Is this guy for real?! Why does he have to ask me that?! First off this is a public library in Utah and I seriously doubt there would be a video showing you how to be intimate with your wife! “I am not sure we do sir, but I am sure if you ask a reference librarian they would be happy to help you find what you need.”

“But I am so embarrassed, please, please, help me just this once.”

Why did I have to have this patron today? As I wondering if he was being perverted or if he was really embarrassed, I thought I would humor him. “Sure” I said cautiously.

So I went to library catalog to see if we carried any videos on “intimacy”, and wondered why he couldn’t do this himself.
I was of course right, there was no such video, so I looked up some books on the subject and wrote them down so he could look for them if he so desired.

I took it to him and explained to him “sir, we do not have any videos on the subject, I have however, found some books on the subject, but because I am not entirely sure what you want to know I am sure if you look in the general area where these books are you will find what you need. I again urge you to refer to a reference librarian they are more qualified than I am to help you find what you need.”

“Well, what I am looking for is, well, I’ll just tell you, see, my wife is Pregnant,”

Doesn’t he get the hint; I don’t want to help him.

He continues, “she is big and well, she wants some… and… well, I don’t know how to give it to her.”

WHY ME!!! I don’t want to know this, I don’t even know him! “Well, sir, I am sure the library does have books on that topic, but I strongly recommend you asking a reference librarian for help, they would know how to locate what you are looking for.”

So I went back to shelving, it was quite awkward, but he kept standing there.

“You know what I wish they had more of; I wish they had more movies of children being abducted.”

What?? Why is he still talking to me!? He went on about how he was a detective some years back and how his daughter was abducted and it took a long time to find her, now they keep in touch through email.

Random! And again who freaking cares?!!

THEN, if you don’t think this is crazy enough yet wait until I tell what he told me next.

“you know what, I am going to tell you something, I going to tell you this because you are a women, and women have a way of getting the word around,”

Oh great what else is this moron going to tell me?

“Lately women have been getting raped.”

Lord help me.

“Yeah, women have been getting raped, by highways and in parking lots; it has been happening a lot. A woman could be having car problems and when she goes to check her car there would be a man hiding under the car and when she gets close enough he cuts her Achilles tendon, pushes her in to a car or van and rapes her. I don’t why guys get aroused by that, I know that kind of thing doesn’t arouse me.”

He then went on for some time telling me I should never park by vans or cars with tinted window and how I should always park where there is light because men are afraid of light (I was getting really creeped out). He continued to tell me of the time his brother was being mugged and how he threw up on the attacked and the attacker was so discussed that he went way and advised me to throw up if I am ever getting raped because that might make the man go away.

With that being said I retorted “well, logged and noted” hoping he would get the hint and leave.
Finally, he did.

“Well, I guess I will go and look for these books you suggested.”

“Yeah, good luck with that.”

“Thanks”

Yeah whatever!

Can I just say how much I hated that whole thing!! Why did I have to experience that? Why!! Why did that guy fill the need to tell me about his sex life and how he couldn’t give it to his wife? Why did he go into detail about that whole rape thing? WHY!!!!

I don’t know if this guy was for real or if he was being a pervert. All I do know is that I am not getting paid enough to deal with this kind of crap. How would you guys feel if this happened to you? What would you guys do? Am I the only one who thinks this not normal for a first conversation?

There you have it my friends, another horrible day that I, Wiggle, had to endure. Until next time, I hope you have a wonderful day.